Il Venerdì 17 Dei Veri Bikers

Ore 17.15: Giacomo chiude l’ultima cerniera dello zaino, speaking words of wisdom: “I veri bikers sanno organizzare meticolosamente i loro bagagli!“. Siamo pronti per tornare a Milano.

Ore 17.30: Giacomo accende la moto e imbocchiamo il lungomare. “I veri bikers non fanno l’autostrada, ma godono del contatto con l’etere e delle sensazioni ancestrali che la natura regala!“. Nel caso aveste delle perplessità, vi confermo che c’è voluto un quarto d’ora prima di uscire effettivamente di casa.

Ore 19.00: Siamo a cinque chilometri dal punto di partenza. Abbiamo sbagliato strada un paio di volte. Giacomo alza l’indice e mi ammonisce: “I veri bikers non accendono il navigatore, ma viaggiano seguendo il sole e le indicazioni dei passanti!“. Alle sette di sera, su una statale in mezzo ai monti, scarseggiano entrambi.

Ore 19.30: Mi accorgo che si è aperta una cerniera dello zaino. Ci fermiamo, controlliamo. Giacomo mi guarda, fa spallucce: “Le mie ciabatte di gomma sono andate. Pazienza! I veri bikers non indossano infradito!“.

Ore 20.15: Il sole è calato del tutto. Temo che i miei genitori mi abbiano telefonato una quarantina di volte per sapere se sono ancora con le chiappe attaccate a quel motociclo infernale o se mi sono schiantata da qualche parte. Il mio telefono è in una delle borse laterali e non ho intenzione di fermarmi in mezzo alla foresta, al buio. So long. “I veri bikers non si fermano per telefonare!“.

Ore 22.00: Siamo a Cremona. Dalla regia mi dicono che abbiamo annacquato il percorso dei veri bikers di quella sessantina di chilometri. Ho il culo che sembra il piattello dello skilift. “I veri bikers non soffrono la moto, la apprezzano in ogni sua liberatoria sofferenza, come l’ago del tatuatore che…“. RONF!

Ore 03.23: Autogrill di Fiorenzuola.

2012-08-18-03.23.33

Qualcosa è andato storto.
Arrivati a casa, ho deciso di tirar fuori il telefono dalla borsa della moto. Non trovandolo, ho chiesto alla mia dolce metà se l’avesse visto.

L’espressione di Giacomo non mi ha lasciato alcun dubbio: indeciso se mettersi a ridere o tirarsi una coltellata nella giugulare, mi ha fissato con gli occhi enormi da triglia fradicia e ha sussurrato: “Cavolonon vorrei averlo messo in quella tasca”.

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Dopo essermi impanicata e aver vagabondato per i pochi metri quadri su cui si poteva vagabondare, ho aperto il portatile e ho rintracciato il telefono con “Trova il mio Fottuto iPhone Apropositograziesteveperavermisalvatolavita“.
Ovviamente era abbandonato al freddo e al gelo (?) a dieci chilometri da dove eravamo partiti.
Giacomo mi ha caricato in macchina, indeciso se portarmi alla Neuro o a recuperare il telefono.
Ci siamo piazzati sulla A1, con il Safety Tutor che ci osservava severamente tipo condor reale con l’occhio ciclopico.
Siamo andati fin su nei boschi, a notte fonda, per cercarlo.
Giacomo ha partecipato alla missione di recupero portandosi dietro un paraspigoli avanzato dai lavori. Due metri e mezzo di sbarra in alluminio, non si sa mai che ci venga voglia di cogliere qualche noce di cocco strada facendo.
Un gatto nero ci aspettava lì, per indicarci la via.
Mi sono posta dei quesiti esistenziali.
Abbiamo trovato il sacchetto, sventrato e violentato da numerosi pneumatici, messo al riparo da qualche buon’anima sotto una tettoia.
Dentro c’erano anche il mio iPod e i miei occhiali da vista.
Quasi sani e salvi.

Durante il viaggio di ritorno, ogni tanto ho preso a schiaffi lui, ogni tanto mi sono tirata un pugno da sola, giusto per creare un diversivo e rimanere svegli.
“I veri bikers non dormono mai!”

Comments

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  2. Se ti può consolare, qui in Croazia dove mi trovo, venerdì 17, ore 23.30. Arriva un SMS sul cellulare di Diego: il nostro allarme, del nostro caro appartamento a 650km da qui, sta suonando. “I veri sistemisti hanno installato una webcam LAN sulla libreria del salotto, così possiamo controllare via VPN se c’è qualcuno in casa o è un falso allarme”. Siamo in una paese extra-UE, ma nessun problema “I veri sistemisti si portano in vacanza antenna wireless, router e hub per fregare la connessione al pub sotto casa!”. Peccato che non andava proprio quella sera la connessione. Ansia. E’ andato il vigilante, ma mi è venuta talmente l’ansia che ho mandato anche i miei!

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